LTD, I get what you're saying... that's why I even have a small issue with the term "MY AH/AW/whatever" although I don't know how you get around phrasing it that way without getting really cumbersome "The A I have a marital relationship with" etc....
I think the more we can see our partners as separate entities, apart from ourselves, the healthier we'll be and the less need to control we'll feel we need to have. It's like that old 70s poster:
"I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped."
We don't "own" anyone, that's a fact. We don't even "own" our children--I love Kahlil Gibran's saying that our children come through us but are not of us.
I think that my really believing I don't own AH may be why, although I may be obsessed with the relationship in many ways, I'm not a jealous person.