I'm not judging here, I'm just (rather feebly, I'm afraid) trying to explain how my thinking has shifted. It's one of those paradigms that Sesh and CLMI talk about. I used to think that I had the power to demand certain behaviors from someone in a relationship, simply due to the fact I was in a relationship with them. The whole 'mine' concept--ownership, control, whatever. Now I see that I don't. And, with the benefit of hindsight, I can see that the only person I can control is me. Yes, I have been fooled by men who claim to be the kind of person I want to have a relationship with, but in part I allowed myself to be fooled because of the thinking that I had some sort of control over their behavior. I'm still finding it difficult to articulate, so I think I will just shut up, lol.
L