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Old 09-29-2010, 04:43 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
yorkiegirl
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: California, USA
Posts: 293
Even though you have to follow your gut, Akrasia, (and I think your gut has been telling you to leave, find your own apartment, detach, etc.), I completely understand that you are still "hoping" and "wanting" to believe that your ultimatums might actually work ("this time.") I have felt those things over the past 15 years w/ my RAH. Sorry about his relapse.

I left my husband over a year ago. I was ready to divorce. Six months ago, he went into rehab and started his path of recovery. I see him slip into the old "negative thinking" often, as he continues to pursue his recovery. It would be untrue if I said I no longer worry about possible relapse. I do, but I feel that "If it does, I just don't have control over it. I will have to double my own recovery efforts" to deal with it. I have not moved back home, even though my husband has not had a drink in nearly 7 months. My gut tells me, "No, not yet." I'm not sure if our marriage is going to make it. I love him and wish we could work it out. I turned it over to my Higher Powers. If my husband remains sober and stays on an active road to recovery, I'm beginning to feel it doesn't matter if we get back together. I love him very much (and wish our relationship can make it). However, lately I have been thinking that his sobriety is actually more important to me than whether we make it or not. I want him to live a sober life, with or without me. I want to live an emotionally healthy life for myself and for our child, with or without him. Each of our sanity, serenity, and sobriety are more important than if we get back together under the same roof. . . I feel simultaneously a little sad for feeling this way and liberated (from his addictions/addictive thinking) in a way too.

Best of luck Akrasia. I've been reading your posts and the responses to your posts. They all hit home. I think the responses are all so thoughtful and wise. I know they are meant for you, Akrasia, but I'm getting a whole lot from your threads. Thank you so much, Akrasia & everyone here on this forum. You are a blessing!
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