Broke up with alcoholic boyfriend
I just broke up with my boyfriend Jack last night during dinner. I told him I was leaving him bc he is still drinking. I told him to not contact me until he is 6 months sober. We been going out for 5 months. I recognized his drinking problem after I looked up symptoms on the web. He told me once he would drink 12 big cans of beer so he could sleep. Here is the thing. He is highly-functional during work, earns more than enough to support his alcohol drinking, constantly works out, but when he's drunk, he is not in control. His humor turns dark and starts making jokes at people's expenses. He can get violent if someone makes fun of him when he's drunk. During bowling, he made fun of a Jewish couple. Another time, he screamed at me to get out of his house because I was talking to a girl friend, but he thought I was cheating. After that incident, I told him he needs help and he decided to get treatment, but he has been kicked out of rehab for cocaine abuse (which he quit), dropped out of 1 outpatient program already and another one which he signed up but never showed up. This time, he signed up at Payne Whitney, which is probably one of the best psychiatric center in New York, but I don't think he's going to follow through based on his previous tries. Jack is very affectionate, thoughtful, nice, and expressive when he is not drinking. That's the person I fell for, but when he's drinking, I don't even know him.
But I held in so much resentment. I've tried everything. I tried to ignore his drinking. I tried to keep him away from getting beer. I tried to even drink his drinks. I don't do any of this stuff anymore because instead of feeling resentful, I felt tired. My sister who is Bi-Polar and a psychiatric med student, gave him a talk on Saturday and he seemed like he genuinely understood what he had to do. Jack revealed his therapists diagnosed him with Depression. But then on Sunday, when I stepped out to go to Starbucks at 6pm and waited for him to get ready and leave the house, he wondered into a bar in the meantime. He didn't bother to come see me until 8:30pm. Did he chose alcohol over me? By that time, I called him and told him I was leaving. He begged for me to wait for him while he called his car service, but I was so angry I didn't talk to him that night or the following day. He says "I cut off communication too easily" and that I am unfair.
He left me voicemails and texts last night saying the reason why I end my relationships so early (i never gotten past 6 months) is bc I don't give anyone a chance. He also said I need to have more faith in him. Jack says he has been making an effort like signing up for Payne Whitney (but he got his diagnosis last week and still drank the same week).
I am lost. Do I give up too easily? I feel guilty for leaving him because I do love him. Should I give him another chance? IS he going to change? Jack has never gone to treatment before till he met me.
I been reading the stories in this forum and it seems like our alcoholic loved ones, we kinda relapse time and again. I don't want to suffer, but this guilt is also suffering.