I'm having some trouble today with concentrating on my own recovery and not forcing the issue. I'm starting to feel really angry with AH's seeming detachment from what he's done and how badly he's hurt me. He insists that he has to concentrate 100% on his still-new sobriety before he can tackle the more difficult stuff of our betrayed marriage, and that allowing himself to feel the full impact of what he's done will give him an excuse to drink. He seems truly sorry, but also distant and unemotional, and mentioned that he needs time to come out of the emotional fog of his drinking before he can really talk about it. In the meantime he seems annoyed and agitated by my questions, which just makes me angry, because what right does HE have to be annoyed???
He wants to come back to talk tomorrow after I go to my counseling appointment, and then agrees to go to marriage counseling together in a couple of weeks. As the betrayed spouse, I'm having mixed feelings between understanding his need to focus mainly on sobriety right now, and hurt and rage that he's not willing or able to give me the comfort that I need right now from him. He's insisted that he's had no further contact with the other women, but it's pretty hard to believe that after all of the past lies and when he's still living away from home.
So I'm having a tough time stepping back. I want him to move home so we can gradually start rebuilding the trust, but I know his sobriety is fragile right now and may not be able to stand the tough emotions that we'll be going through as we try to recover from this. He's not willing and able to talk about this right now. But how long am I supposed to wait on the sidelines until the fog lifts and he's ready to talk?? Trying to take it a day at a time, but this is harder than I could have ever imagined.