Thank you to all for all your support. My friends and family have all been by my side through this, but no one else understands the true impact unless they've experienced the emotional turmoil of loving an alcoholic. There's two pieces to deal with, both the infidelity and the alcoholism, so it's not as black and white (leave him or stay) as others not affected by the disease may think.
AH just came by to talk and suggested that we hold off on making any decisions until he has a few more weeks' sobriety behind him. He is staying at a friend's for now, attending meetings and seeing a therapist once a week. He thinks I should go to my individual counseling sessions, and then in a few weeks' time we can go together and start making decisions on the marriage. He said his main concentration now has to be on staying sober, because without that there will be no marriage to work on anyway.
I've been frustrated with his flat affect and seeming lack of remorse and emotion. He told me today that he's in turmoil inside for what he did, but can't let his emotions take over because it will cause him to drink again. He said his sobriety is still too new (a little over a week) to really put our emotions on the table and that it's better to wait until he has a firmer grasp on recovery. This is understandable, but still so hard to hear when all I want for him to do is cry, tell me how sorry he is, beg for forgiveness, etc. But I will try to work on my own recovery right now, let AH concentrate on his, and let the rest reveal itself in time. Easier said than done.....