HURTING: (((hug))), I so feel your pain, I found out close to 2 months ago I was cheated on and I still have so many emotions running through me.
I hate him, love him, glad I left him, sad I left him, wished we tried harder, happy I can have a new life, sad to have to let go of my old life with him......
It's the rollercoaster of emotions one feels when they are deeply and totally betrayed.
There is no excuse for cheating, none! But I will say this, addicts have impulse control issues (read my thread on addictive personality disorders). They are just so weak, tired, sad, and lacking self worth, they just do anything to fill that void.
I know one thing for sure, this sort of cheating has nothing to do with anything you did, it's just about them. Addictions thrive on secrecy and selfishness.
Cheating is just another high for them.
Don't make any decisions now. But if he's not working a program and refraining from the drink or women, you need to make the plan to leave. It doesn't get better without help.
You may also want to consider Al Anon and therapy.
My ex said he was going to work his program and work on himself for what he did to me, but my gut tells me he's keeping up with his affair so in my case, there is no chance to work it out. That doesn't mean your H will do the same.
These men are good men, but they have a disorder for which they can't admit unless they hurt enough inside.
There is hope, I've seen couples recover from this, but only if both people are working a program and only if there is mutal respect.
The question is, do you want to wait and can you live with knowing how much work is involved with being with a recoverying addict or do you want to move on and make a new life with less stress, improve you and find a relationship with someone you can trust.
Answers will take time because you're trying to process all the madness right now.
Keep talking it out
and p.s, I could not eat or sleep for 4 weeks after I found out. I lost so much weight (fit into my size 3 jeans again), but I slowly forced myself to eat and sleep. It's hard to eat and sleep I know, but try eating small healthy things throughout the day