missb89

I used to party a lot. Ages 15-19 the hardest. I am growing up, they aren't. I love them all dearly, but I cannot go out to the bar except maybe once a month, so I do not see but a few of them, mainly my girlfriends who do drink a lot but have no problem also sitting around and watching movies with me or going for walks and talking. Not complete raging alcoholics yet.

I just found out tonight that a dear, but troubled friend, has died as a result of a heroin overdose. I am very upset, but cannot say that I didn't see it coming. He was in and out of jail, rehab. He would always call me from half-way houses and we would talk for hours about his goals to be better. Some part of him, wanted deep inside, to live a better life. But he never did for long. It's unfortunate because his mistrust of women he said started when his mother died of, yes, a heroin overdose when he was younger. How unfortunate that he had to go out the same way.

I am in so much shock and do not know how to process the information right now. But I know I need new friends, the pain that comes with this group of people is unbearable. It is just so hard because I do care about each and every one of them and have been friends with them for 10 years. If I let all of them go, I have but one friend left. I am already very lonely, but I cannot imagine not talking to them. I don't know exactly what the point of this post is except to vent I am very confused and feel kind of like I'm just floating around.