Hurt,
Heaven knows you have my prayers as do all the addicts and their families.
Sometimes, we can put our boundaries in place, and detach with love, but still, as parents, and loved ones, we find ourselves awfulizing about what CAN, or WILL happen.
Until we can finally accept we have no power over our addicts and truly believe it, we suffer with hurt, and fear. Or maybe, just because we ARE parents, and loved ones, those feelings never go away for long.
In my case, I have found that attending a meeting seems to get my head and heart together in the right place.
Hugs and hugs.
do something good for YOU.