I understand how you feel. Felt the same way often in my marriage. Now my RAH is sober for 4 months. But I don't feel the same way any more.
I probably would if I dind't work on myself, if I dind't decide I don't have to do anything but what I want to do and what works for me. I've relaized in all previous years I needed to feel safe, but feeling safe for me meant havaing a guaranty the future is going to be good, and that great future is to come from everyone around me bahaving in the way I expect them. That has so little to do with reality, when you think about it. Not one of us in any given moment can not possibly know what the future might bring, I think we all know that, but unfortunatelly often we don't have peace with that. I had to dig deep inside of myself to find out what exactly in me making me be so dependant on my husband that I thought I can not be happy unless he stops drinking, why was I so fixed on our marriage and my idea of what family should be. I discovered my reason for this was because I am ACOA. There was a lot of issues for me there that I needed to deal with. Once I did get busy on me, worked out what is acceptable for me and what is not (my personal boundaries that need not been discussed with him) I started to learn how to live in present, not the past nor the future.
My present is this: my RAH is sober and working on his recovery, he might keep up the good work or not. I don't dread over it. There is a possibility he will not. I know that, as that is realistic. If that happens than I will not stay with him any longer, as I don't care to live with active A any more. But in the same time I am not going to ruin my present moment in life thinking of the things that might go wrong. Now for the first time I can see my RAH is serious about recovery (if I didn't think this I wouldn't stay), but also I understand it is a slow process for him, we don't discuss his recovery, I guess neither of us feels the need to. It is his business. I am not staying with him now only because he is in recovery, but because being in recovery he is again nice, caring and supportive, and respectful of me.
I know I couldn't have had this peace and happiness I have now if I didn't work on myself. The real change that gave me this peace and happiness was not my RAH quitting drinking but my own recovery. Me learning about myself, respecting myself, honoring myself, and above all understanding my happiness depends only on me. Since than nothing to do with my RAH, his sobriety or our marriage is overwhelming any more, it is not even something I need to think about. I am were I am now because it works for me, when it stops than I will move away from it.
My point IMHO the only way to remove that pain and find peace it to work on yourself. Once you sort that one out the rest will follow.
Take care