Hi MissKnowitall,
It sounds like you're in a tricky situation! How long have you and ABF been back together? And when did he separate from his ex? The reason I ask this is because I separated from my AH 13 months ago. We have a daughter together. I truly loved him but he relapsed.... I came home to find him drinking at home, which was unlike him as I have strict boundaries about alcohol in the home and he had always respected that. Needless to say, he became psychotic, abusive and I called the police and he was arrested and charged. He now lives in his place and I live in mine...he is still actively drinking.
There seemed to be no chance of any type of reconciliation at all. Around 8 months after we separated, I started a friendship with a man who had been pursuing me flat out. I told him I was still in love with my ex and hadn't healed from my broken heart. He believed I would eventually come to love him and get over my ex (he has huge co-dependency issues...). I wasn't ready to get involved with anyone else and trying to start a new relationship sent me into a spin of confusion and depression. I wasn't able to handle the pressure and I had to break things off with him before I went completely insane. It was around the same time my ex and I started speaking again and we both realised we still loved each other... The new man would like to maintain contact but I've had to stop all contact with him except answering a few random text messages because it's too confusing for me and I'm not the one to give him the relationship he's looking for. I can't help wondering what sort of boundaries your bf has with his ex? Do they go to meetings together? Are they friends? He says he has no feelings for her..are you sure he doesn't?
You were brave to step back from your bf and give him some space and hopefully stepping out of the chaos will give you time to think about things... For me, I'm back in the Al-Anon program because I need to be there and finally I'm able to leave my ex's recovery or lack thereof to him.....Step 1 complete! Yay!....All the best to you...
