Thread: In purgatory...
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Old 09-26-2010, 05:57 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Learn2Live
To thine own self be true.
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
It was a lonely feeling as I walked away from the party, wanting to be hand-in-hand but realizing that the time is not right for that.
I have found that it can be difficult to find the right balance of together-time versus alone-time in relationships. Everyone seems to approach it differently. Although I do love living alone, I also enjoy companionship. Identifying and defining my needs in this respect has been difficult.

In the past, I have been very clingy and desperate in relationships. Now though, I am more secure in myself and my life, enjoy my independence and need a significant amount of quiet time. No matter what stage in my life, though, anytime a person I have been in a relationship with abruptly shifts their focus away from me, it has been difficult. One (non-addicted, non-alcoholic) BF would "dump" me on a regular basis. He would be so intense with me and then all of a sudden, nothing. This happened on a regular basis. The pain of this was excruciating. A person like that has not achieved balance, for whatever reason. When I am involved with unbalanced people, I become unbalanced.

You sound like you have a good handle on yourself and your life. You may want to consider that, if this is how he is has been for the entire course of your relationship, and you have discussed your needs with him and no change has been forthcoming, that this is likely how your relationship will be in the future. Is the relationship the way it is now enough for you?
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