Thread: In purgatory...
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Old 09-26-2010, 05:29 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Yogagal
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 23
Mornin' all.

Yesterday's yoga workshop was wonderful and allowed some much-needed introspective time. It included a wide variety of forms and styles of yoga as well as other group fitness opportunities. TransformMyself - I have taken a Bikram class and enjoyed it but lately I have been drawn to a much slower and more gentle practice. I don't think there is any right or wrong when it comes to yoga. By nature, it is intended to be an intensely personal journey. Keep seeking out what you enjoy and what makes YOU feel good.

One topic of a lecture during yesterday's workshop was mantras. Though it may be a term we don't all relate to, we all use mantras, or repetitive self-talk, to reinforce can-do or can't-do attitudes. Realizing that was helpful and prompted me to begin listing the self-deprecating mantras I repeat to myself, whether about my relationship or other facets of my life. The list is longer than I'd like it to be... and only I have control of that. Something to work on...

I felt sad again last night. After the workshop, I celebrated a friend's birthday. She had a party at her house. I have wonderful friends and for that, I am very blessed. They love me. We are good at rallying around one another when support is needed, although I talked very little about my relationship last night. That said, they are all social drinkers, some to excess. I've had periods in my life when I drank too much, felt horrible and regretted it. I know I am not alone in that. But I have been so fortunate that I have always been able to control it. I do not need to drink and often, I don't want to. Last night, as the hours passed and my friends drank more, I longed for my relationship and the sober friends he has brought into my world. By choice, I have changed my own drinking habits since the relationship began. He has never set expectations or asked that I not drink. I have learned to admire and enjoy a sober lifestyle and have gone for periods without drinking at all. But I have learned to associate sobriety with him. It was a lonely feeling as I walked away from the party, wanting to be hand-in-hand but realizing that the time is not right for that. As much as I love my friends and wanted to be there last night, I was wishing I had ended my day introspectively.

His sponsor reached out to me yesterday, not to break any confidence or share any insight, rather with a funny invitation. Somehow it was comforting.

I did not sleep well last night and look forward to another Al-Anon meeting today. I wish you all peace and again express my gratitude for you.
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