thanks
thank you are for responding, it has made a tremendous difference to me today. i have sat down and wrote a long letter to him. his behaviour did trigger all sorts of alarm bells last night. and i have to put a stop to it now before we become a statistic. and no this isn't how i imagined my family would be. this has forced me to really admit what i've known for a long time. he will not change because he has a family who loves him. he has to want to change. we go through the same thing week after week, he goes out drinking, i confront him about it. he freaks out and then sleeps it off. next day after he is busy apologizing and promising to change. I cannot force him to do anything which is the role his drinking has caused me to take - he acts like a child so i treat him like a child. just taking this step has made me feel better and more in control.
this is my list for us trying to keep our relationship
1. no more lies
2. he seeks counseling for his depression and drinking
3.including me in our fiances - i've come to realize that is a form of abuse - he keeps me in the dark about our money to prevent me from leaving and to hide how much he spends on drinking.
4. showing respect to our family by helping out around the house. this would mean acting like a adult and not expecting me to do everything around the house.
i know that by no means this will be a magic cure and no magic cure exists but i hope this will start us in the right direction of a stable, healthy family for our kids.
i will be discussing this with his parents - they have a rental property that has an extra suite that is empty now and if he can't attempt these things, i will tell him, he will be moving into the suite so i can create the stable home our kids need.