What a douche. What a selfish, infantile, blame shifting, homewrecking mess of a man.
As devastating as this is, it's in some ways almost a relief. It was my worst fear, and probably one of the last things holding me back from leaving him was the fear that he would find someone new and that I wouldn't be able to handle the thought of him being with someone else. Now that it's already happened, I can do my best to move forward and try to remember that the person the other woman is getting is a broken, empty man who, if he ever does manage to get himself sober, will always regret that pain he brought to the family who loved him.
I was stunned to find myself relieved when I found out my husband had a girlfriend/affair as well. I was MY worst fear. He loved her. She took really good care of herself. The things he said to me were mind bending.
Girl I had the same reaction you're having. You may recall me story-I booked a flight to Key West were my sister lives for four weeks, leaving him with both kids. "When I come back," I told him, "you will have moved out."
Somehow, the realization of my worst fears put me in a place of safety to finally take control and responsibility for my own life, growth and happiness. I also realized that, since my worst fears were realized, there was nothing else he could do to me.
All the other pain I've endured and had to analyze and work through since April of 2008 has been self inflicted. I stayed with him. I slept wtih him. I believed his lies. I went back again and again.
But first I got on that plane and flew to a tropical island where I worked to forgive and love myself. It really was the start of transforming my suffering. Today I can honestly say his affiar, and being married to an A in the first place, has been the catalyst for taking back my life. I lost weight, I grew stronger. I realized who really loved and cared for me, and let them do so until I could stand on my own again.
The only advice I can give you right now is to be as kind to yourself as you can. You see the truth now. You wanted it and found it. The important question is: what kind of woman do you want to be now?
Oh, and as always, I advise you to: burn his prized possessions in the backyard or give them to a homeless shelter. That helps too. Oh, others will recommend not retaliating, but one good act of revenge will go a long way. Sorry, just my IRL experience, but you may not be like me....