Hi jd585, and Welcome to SR. I'm so glad you found this place. There's lots of support to be found here.
You mentioned in one of your posts that lack of responsibility with money is one of your main concerns. Do you feel this is your deal breaker?
I completely sympathize with your situation, as I was somewhat in the same position, being the breadwinner and provider for my husband, his son and our infant child. Beyond the CONSTANT lying, manipulation, gas lighting, infidelity, and verbal abuse, there was the fact that all my efforts at providing for us a "normal" life and saving for our children's future were just guzzled down and peed down the drain, literally. It was even more frustrating that for a few years, I did rather demeaning things to provide for us (I was a stripper). To my XAH, money was for spending and the immediate gratification of his need for pleasure. After 5 years together, it became obvious that my financial values were not his, and I can honestly tell you that I take GREAT pleasure in squirling money away in my savings account every 2 weeks, now that I'm not providing him any longer.
It seems to me that you'll soon have to come to a decision about this situation.
In the meantime, please keep posting and reading. SR is always open!