Hi pickyourselfup, and welcome to SR,
We have a great bunch here in all various stages of recovery and know exactly what you are going through and empathise a lot.
You sound particulary switched on with it all and I now really believe that zero tollerance/deal breaker is definitely the way to go with this desease. I only wish that I had the same insight as you many years ago, it would have saved me a lot of pain. Its that old 'being cruel to be kind' really. Good for you.
Keep posting, keep inspiring, keep learning and keep reading and welcome once again.