but i am working very hard at not allowing myself to be angry, particularly because i know that is just what the alcoholic is looking for. Yesterday was a trying day, to say the least, but i didn't feel negative at all. The alcoholic that i am working to escape from is attempting to lash out in a very childish way and I worked very hard at trying to be calm though all the negative behavior. I have no idea whether there was alcohol directly involved or not and i don't want to know. All i know is that i deserve some amount of respect as a person and that he can't play music really loud late in the evenings and late at night.
It has been an issue and makes it very difficult to get to sleep with the banging of the base. along with that i was getting phone calls every hour or two, off and on regarding activities, decisions, where he was, what he was doing, foolish things that would end with him throwing little digs then calling to apologize, while i didn't react, at all! i know it isn't me, it is him.
Anyway, last night i was tired and he was playing his music very loud and i called him to ask him to turn it down, please. he apologized and said he would, but it never seems to get done. i called again and asked, he got furious i just asked nicely and hung up. this went on a couple more times (i know stupid me trying to be understanding) and then i finally told him that i know the law here is no loud music after 11 and i would be happy to call the police if it was too hard for him to just have some respect. He hit the roof, i said thank you and hung up, the music went off and i could go to sleep. What was up with that? he had gone to a meeting ( with the man he reached out to the other day) but he must have come home furious.
this behavior, where ever it is coming from is pushing me right out the door. i can't wait not to have to deal with this selfish, insensitive, completely unaware person who has no regard for anything else in the world but himself. He is an egomaniac with an serious inferiority complex and i am working really hard not to take it personally even though it is directly affecting my life. Today i will take back the stereo, that is mine as a birthday present bought for me by a family member and stop the pounding noise that i hear late in the evenings. Is it wrong for me to expect some respect in the evenings after 9 pm so that i can get to sleep? i wake up very early, always have and we also have a family with young children that go to school living next door. Don't i have the right to expect his music to be turned down at night? I certainly think i do.
I didn't loose my temper, I didn't say anything mean. i got right to the point and can't wait to get the heck out of here!!! called about an apartment yesterday and my daughter is going to look at it today. have an appointment with a lawyer next week.....i'm moving forward, slowly but surely. the house is completely topsy turvy and though my instinct is to keep things in order behind me, i have stopped myself from using my energy to clean up behind myself....i have too much to do already, that is just more pressure i don't need. I had to vent this morning and now i feel better. so glad this forum is here and that i am not trying to fix things, like i have all these years...just trying to take care of me and looking forward to not having to go through this anymore! the freedom is a great motivator!!
Here is to another great day of packing and preparing for my departure!!!
couldn't help myself, that one looks like fun!!!
reminds me of a song called F**k was I thinkin...here is the link. it always makes me smile in a weird way. the lyrics are perfect....don't mean to offend anyone with foul language, but it is just right for me!
YouTube - Jenny Owen Youngs - "F*ck Was I"