Eight Ball

I have had a read through both of your posts and for me what stood out is that if you take away the alcohol completely from the picture, you have a marriage full of resentments, lies, deciept and a huge bit of 'lack of respect' thrown in. This alone isnt a healthy marriage and a bit of a chicken/egg situation. This is what I am coming to terms with in my own marriage. Usually resentments, lies, lack of respect etc can be overcome with a good marriage guidance councellor who can pull you both back on track, particulary if you both still love each other, but councelling wont work if one partner is an alcoholic. I personally, have decided that I cant live in an unhealthy marriage, one full of disrespect and with a partner who is an alcoholic.

I have been doing a lot of reading recently and one book that I read that sticks out for me with you, is that it is fairly common for someone with one addiction to develp another and I would have a guess that your wife is also struggling with a shopping addiciton - spending money. I too stuggle with this sometimes and have to pull myself back so I dont make those 'feel good' purchases. I can easily plan in my head how I can buy this, or that because I am looking at filling my sometimes painful life with nice things. Because I havent got an addictive personality, I do manage this quite regulary but for those with addiction problems this could easily escalate until you had $50,000worth of debt - like your wife.

Like me, I believe that you have a number of problems in your marriage besides alcohol, and unless your wife is ready to admit to herself that she has a problem and seek sobriety then there is little hope of ever sorting out the over spending, lack of respect etc. Time to put yourself first, and think of your future, your wife is making her choice.

You said you were looking for understanding so that you can make an informed descision and this is my opionion on the little I have read about what you are going through, I hope it helps.