Thread: In purgatory...
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Old 09-23-2010, 02:41 PM
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Yogagal
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 23
In purgatory...

Hello... and thank you for making this forum accessible to me and the millions out there affected by the disease of alcoholism. I'm new to this blog. Reading some of your posts last night made me feel a lot better. I am grateful for that.

I've been in a loving relationship with a sober alcoholic for a year and a half and fallen deeply in love with him. We've talked about the future, allowed our individual lives to intertwine beautifully but not suffocate each other. For me, it is a wonderful balance and often the most loving relationship I've been a part of. He is approaching his 2-year anniversary and I am very proud of him for achieving that. He's been in and out of AA for 20 years and attends regular meetings, 4 to 5 a week. I've met many of his AA friends and developed a close relationship with his sponsor, although I have promised myself to respect the trust that must exist only between them. I have sought out and attended Al-Anon meetings to learn more about myself and my life with an alcoholic. For me, meetings have been eye-opening and enjoyable. I tend to go only when there is a problem and realize I should make meetings a routine to fully embrace and work the program.

While the relationship has been incredibly fulfilling, there have been 'dark periods' when he retreats saying he is overwhelmed and needs time and space. These sometimes happen after we argue, but not always. He often refers to people-pleasing and needs to focus 100% on taking care of himself. It happens every few months and typically lasts a few days up to a week. During these times, we don't communicate. He initiates contact when he is ready. When we reconnect, I try not to ask questions and realize it's better if he shares information when he's ready. Outwardly, I have been very respectful of his needs, reminding myself that he is not doing it to hurt me but because it is what he needs. I will continue to support whatever helps him stay sober. Sobriety has to come first because without sobriety, he would not be in my life. He might not even be alive.

I am busy and have a fulfilling life so I am able to fill these 'dark periods' with work and activity and friends. But I cannot deny they make me sad and do interfere with my concentration. I am trying to remove the "but" from that statement and realize that if I want him in my life, this is just something he will need from time to time. And I know I do want him in my life.

Any thoughts about overcoming those sad moments would be appreciated. Are there other things I can do to help him... or myself?
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