another day and i'm awake and raring to go. I have been taking care of myself in a really good way. Eating well, sleeping well and making sure to exercise and take time to read and relax. No reason to over do anything. this whole situation is stressful enough. The Alcoholic has been around, off and on and finally reached out for help to a man that has always been available, but he never bothered with. I know it is an act to try to soften my responses, but I am not interested, or available for any of that anymore. I am determined, for me and me only! he says he is falling apart at the seams...and i said i was sorry, and i hope he can find his way.
I don't feel angry anymore. i have been able to shed the resentment, finally and now i am excited and ready to move forward because i deserve this adventure and want to get to work, have my own place and feel that freedom!
My two cats are getting along beautifully after a nice long talk we had, okay not beautifully, but they are working on it and that makes me very happy. they are my pals and will be coming with me. I have contacted a lawyer and I am getting all of my little ducks in a row to prepare for departure....It is all good and i feel great about it!!
i see myself where i want to be and i am excited. I am glad to be older, now and going through this so i don't have the worry about dating and lonliness...i like me and i can't wait to hang around with myself....if htat makes sense. cook what i like and read when i want to and not have to prepare food or clean the bathroom from someone else's mess!! yes, i want to put things the way i like them and leave them that way!! i'm so tired of the contant battles.....the taste of freedom is very motivating for me...and i have to admit, there is some poetic justice seeing an old man who is breaking before my eyes and not having to worry about it, one little bit...just be sorry for him. i am glad it is not my fight and the demons are not mine anymore!
He admitted yesterday that he never felt adequate around me because of my ability to accomplish the things i set out to do. he also said that he hates me for being so strong and independent and has felt that way for a long time. that makes me feel even sadder for him....but, it is no longer my concern. In my head I am outta here and today is a good one too because i want it to be!! this experience is making me feel like a kid.....bringing out my childish self and i'm enjoying the heck out of that!!