Hello, Michelle,
WELCOME to S/R. This is a terrific site, with a lot of wisdom to share in, from our own experience, and support for you. Whatever you life contains, there are those here who have walked in your shoes. And we will walk with you as you figure things out.
I think you can say and ask whatever you feel you should, of your husband. Always remember that it is his decision how to answer your requests. I feel that it is always ok to share what's on your mind; the hard part is to let go of the outcome.
It is a process to gain the clarity to make big decisions. Sometimes we want the answers right NOW, and we surely want to end our anguish. Patience is a good helpmate.
You will get where you need to. We'll be here for you.