Early on, before I found recovery, I didn't do well when I was alone. Part of what made my crazy life tolerable was that there was ALWAYS something going on. I ran around with my fire extinguisher putting out whatever figurative fire that my A had created.
When I was alone, I had too much time to think. I started to realize that other people didn't live the way we lived... and I was really uncomfortable in my own skin. It was exhausting and terrifying.
Early recovery days had my sponsor working with me on just being still, and learning to be OK by myself. It was hard work!
I hadn't thought about that in a long time.... I am so glad that i don't have to live like that anymore.