something new
i might surprise a lot of you with this thread, so here goes:
i am finally getting it. not all of it, but some of it. enough to begin something new.
when i told her almost two weeks ago, she had a choice to use or get help, she chose to use and therefore could no longer stay with me. the very life i tries to keep her from she is back in. and, as you all know i have continued trying to lead her.
even though i have been rather whiney and struggling this past week, i at least had a mental plan. she had been talking to people about rehab and i figured i would give her this week to see her actions and use that to help me. we met as planned a couple times. sometimes she looked well others not so much. tuesday she made it to her appointment on her own. it felt even better that she did it on her own. but, she was supposed to meet me after work, but did not. that was a sign. she did not make it to her appointment today. that was another sign.
i am hopeful that at least on her own she found a place to go and will maybe get there someday. but this has allowed me to start getting off the roller coaster. i think she has settled back into her ways and i am able to get back to my things.
i felt a little relief last night not having to go through anything, but at the same time i felt a little guilty feeling that way. i d ofeel that i am starting to let go though and let her live her life and that makes me feel better about living my own life again.
(i'll post a couple follow up questions shortly)