that is an excellent and very important book! Please do read it...I have a feeling once you start it you won't want to put it down.
There was a lady here who used to say "You can call me names but it will be from the other side of the door." LOL
I don't care what this guy's past is, what kind of person his mother was....those are excuses he uses.They may explain some issues he needs help with but they do not ever excuse current abusive behavior.
I have been verbally abused, demeaned, humiliated...all of it.
It was one of the harder things in life to do...to get help and recover from it.
Today I respect myself.
I can't imagine spending any time with someone who would call me names...but if someone did, I can tell you right now that they would only get to do that once.
ONE TIME.
I would hit the eject button on them so quick their butts would be flying over faster than their mouths could keep up.
I have a very firm no abuse boundary in my life and there is no room for negotiation on that one. None.
Now don't think I am uppity and just don't know what things are like...I can't think of a single name or ugly insult I haven't been called. That man was a very creative and intelligent person and I think he has his PHD in verbal abuse.
It shredded me. And I stayed. I tried to understand, to help, to stay calm and repeat very repetitively "what you say is simply a reflection upon you"...I had this idea I could just not take any of it personally.
But it is personal and it is abuse and it will over time reduce you to feeling like less than a dishrag and even more helpless to get help and to be able to stop it. It breeds hopelessness inside.
I'd bet you haven't been in touch with yourself real well about taking very good care of you and your one very precious life. You've built up walls to defend and guard against the hurt. But inside those walls is a lovely woman who is starving. And that's just not fair.
You've been doing what you needed to do to survive, I understand that.
I am going to ask you to believe me...on faith...that you can have a happy, glorious life.
You can have love that doesn't hurt.
First you will have to let that lovely woman out of the hostage situation.
I got domestic violence counseling and will forever be grateful for some of the best (and free) help I have ever received.
That gave me the building blocks to first give myself dignity and then to treat myself as my own beloved one. I don't think there is any greater gift than that. And I believe we and life are meant to be that way...cherished.
I wish you the very best and hope you will continue posting.
((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))