Old 09-21-2010, 01:32 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
nodaybut2day
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Originally Posted by memphis View Post
I was considering inviting her and her sons to live in my house. That seems like the next logical step in our relationship, however it would not be logical if she continues to drink.
Aieee! You're bang on there memphis. Inviting her into your home = inviting the chaos she brings with her into your life, in a very permanent and "hard to undo" way.

Ask me how I know...I invited my then-ABF (alkie boyfriend) and his two songs to come live with me, because, hey, I had an empty room in my apartment, and he was leaving his wife,...how convenient. Wait, no, you mean, how CRAZY.

I thought I was going to fix him, save him, give him that chance that all those other women never gave him, etc etc. He moved in, our relationship progressed, he kept drinking and doing drugs, I become surrogate mommy to his boys, ....he spent all my money....I started stripping to support us all....we got married,....had a baby....more drinking/drugging ensued. Real romantic story huh?

Please take some time to consider what this relationship brings to you. You simply cannot separate the "drunk her" from the "sober her". They are one and the same person. Are you willing to accept her, fully, as she is today? Because that's the only person she's willing to be right now.

I hope you keep reading and posting here on SR. You'll learn that:
You didn't CAUSE the drinking
You can't CURE the drinking
You can't CONTROL the drinking.

Whether or not she chooses to find recovery is her own decision. Nothing you say or do (or don't say or don't do) will influence her. You're not that powerful! The only thing you have power over is yourself.

Originally Posted by memphis View Post
I know if she moved in with me, I feel confident I could keep them away, but I just don't think it would be worth the fight
Trust your instincts. It is not your job to shield her from the consequences of her choices.
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