Suki, you crack me up.
Thank you for all the confirmation and validation and no nonsense responses. Bumping up against the concept that being sober is not the same as being on the path to recovery is fairly new . . .need to let that soak in, I think -- so it can inform the way I deal -- or don't -- with Mr. Destructo.
As for the name calling -- it reflects his deep down opinion of all women. It's always slithering around under the surface. His mother, according to him and his two brothers -- unanimous -- made her way in life by using men, one after another. (I haven't heard her side of it -- she's dead.) I think men -- little boys --- never really get over a whorish mother.
Honestly, I have given up the idea of marriage to this man, but have sought to stay a friend because he truly is so alone and so afraid of abandonment. It's him or me, though. . .I haven't really accepted it so I won't try to kid you. But I keep coming here because it's a bucket of ice water in my face -- and I WILL reach complete acceptance. Once I'm utterly exhausted from bargaining. Man, I'm verbal today. Sorry.