Deesire

These past months, my ex alcoholic spouse has been cycling through relapse/attempts at recovery, and I have been heavily involved. I definitely became unhealthy and was way to focussed on him and hopes for his recovery. About two weeks ago, we both came to the simultaneous realization that it was not good for me to hear from him so much and be so involved. I got his parents involved, for better or for worse. I've expressed on several occasions to his mother that I am interested in getting news about him. While he and I have agreed that he is only to contact me when he is "well" (we haven't defined the exact parameters of "well" but it certainly means sober and non suicidal, at a minimum) and he has adhered to that. I heard from him on Friday, as he was coming out of detox after spending about a week there. Again at that time, I told him that it was ok to contact me and that I was glad to hear from him. It was true at the time.

His mom e-mailed me this morning, sharing some of his plans for the day. I haven't heard anything since.

Now I am finding that I am spending more time and energy than I'd like wondering if he followed through with his plans for the day or whether he's relapsed.

I am now leaning towards wanting no contact.

Given my previous messages, I feel awkward about the possibility of going no contact. I expect it could be done by sending a polite message to his mother explaining that I've changed my mind about wanting news about him. But I'm not sure about how to handle that with him; do I tell him I've changed my mind about wanting to hear from him? Or do I just stop taking his calls?

I'm still just in the thinking about it stage, but I would like to have a plan for how it might play out if I do decide to go no contact.

Any tips on how to proceed?