Rose,
That sounded like a typical evening at my house. Keep on taking the small steps, doing the things that give you power and make you feel good. It will all come in time and when you feel really good about it, NOTHING can stop you. Not even fear.
Trust me I never thought in a million years I would be where I am, and it took starting with baby steps. I pray for all of you every night...I would not have the head on my shoulders right now without this board, and I know that.
Hang in there~your stronger than you'll ever know!!!!!! Tell yourself that...
Love ya!