akrasia

Hi all,

So... husband is actually still doing really well. Nearly three months with no alcohol. He was saying it's the longest he's gone without alcohol since he was nine or ten. Good lord!

He says he doesn't feel as great as he hoped he would. Back when he quit smoking, within days he breathed better, slept better. Now that he's quit alcohol? He's come down with a spate of cluster headaches, followed by a mega-cold. Dammit!

I've told him that he seems freer--the look in his eyes, the way he talks. His thoughts have become more creative, he's looking at different projects for the winter. He's not mired down in the cynicism.

He's still wondering whether he'll ever be able to drink casually again. My private thought on that is a big fat NO, but I'm trying to stay loving without weighing in heavily on things. It can't turn into a big drama of me begging him not to drink, that won't help anything. It's his own journey. All I can do is be his chum.

He's still seeing his counsellor, and is starting a meditation group.

So what's my problem? It's a strange feeling I have tonight. Back during his last binge, things were so bad that the thought of leaving him, I admit, had a small element of relief. Yay, a safe place to sleep. And now that things are going so well, I have this terrified feeling in my heart--for me, and for him. What if, what if, what if? Oh, I hope he doesn't throw it all away.

I know it's no use borrowing trouble, and I'm trying to distract myself with work, but it's a bit hard going tonight.

So that's me.

I'm not usually a praying person, but please god put strength and peace in both our hearts.