Old 09-19-2010, 06:28 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
zbear23
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[QUOTE=chicory;2712461]
Originally Posted by Kindeyes View Post
zbear
I

When my son is around, it feels as though he is TRYING to create chaos--that is his mission when he's around me. There is no comfortable coexistence there......I am always on guard. I am always deflecting questions for money or food or he's telling me about what his current DOC or the last drug was that he used. He says that he's so glad he can tell me all about his "drug community" (because I'm sitting there calmly not reacting to the crap he is spewing out of his mouth) but INSIDE it's turning me inside out and churning me up. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT HIS DRUG COMMUNITY! He verbally rails at me for the slightest thing I say that he takes offense to and turns it into an all out attack on my life, belief systems, family, husband, daughter, work, lifestyle, whatever. He whines about his life and what a total mess it is but he doesn't want suggestions on how to make it better--he just wants to purge his mind of all that crap that's wreaking havoc in his life. He doesn't want to do the WORK that it takes to make his life better....he just wants ME to do it for him. And because I won't and don't....it's a full out verbal assault to try to get me to acquiesce. If begging, pleading, and guilting don't work.....he PULLS OUT verbal FORCE. I don't experience any comfort or enjoymentbeing around him.....at all. And believe me.....I've tried.....but it's not a relationship when you're AFRAID to open your mouth EVEN TO AGREE WITH HIM for fear that it will result in another verbal assault. I'm just trying to preserve some part of ME that he won't suck away. He's like a parasite that is draining me of ......well......ME. There is no give and take........that is how I feel when he's around. And that feeling goes away when he goes away.



Now.....if that's not "unmanageable" I don't know what is.

(((Kindeyes)))

you just described my son and our relationship. uncanny. i know the dread, the fear, the avoidance of any subject that could lead to more of his complaining and neediness.

Yep- unmanageable is how it feels, too. cant win this one on my own.

How to be around them and still remain "powerless" is a real tough one. Just trying to remain neutral is stressful.
my son is not actively drinking or using, but if he was, he would be just like this. the verbal attacking , the whining, the self pity.
boy, it zapps my energy, and makes my brain scrambled.

hugs,and prayers,
chicory
Kindeyes. That was a powerful message. You may even want to consider printing it out and giving it to your son to read...preferably not in your presence. I, for one, never really understood the pain, misery and fears I created in the lives of loved ones, at least not until I had recovered. I was about three years sober before I finally stopped blaming my parents for my insanity.

blessings
zenbear
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