I believe there are success stories, I believe mine is, but my definition of success is much different now from what it used to be.
My previous definition of success was my AH coming to his senses, understanind all that I was saying for years, being trully, deeply apologetic for everything he has done, all the hurt he has caused me, and of course quiting drinking for good, with me having some guaranty that is going to last for ever, and off we ride into the sunset, me feeling safe, protected. (please notice all this is external, nothing about me).
Here it is what really happened, and to me since I worked on my own recovery (moving to internal) this qulifies as success: 4 months ago he nearly died from liver cirrhosis, and stopped drinking since than, working on his sobriety. Great. For him. I am pleased for him. He is a different person from what he has been for years. Still, with being sober for nearly 4 months I think he still doesn't have the faintest idea how crazy his behaviour was and how much he has hurt me and the kids. He might get this in time or he never will. Also, if he wants to live he will stay sober, and if he doesn't than he will not.
The difference is: I don't care. I don't need validation from him. I'm staying with him now, because he is nice and caring now, he is very respectful of me and my needs. he is sharing life with me, and I like that. I like my kids having a sober dad living with us. I like watching happiness on their faces as they're larning about normal life and starting to relax. I don't feel resentment or anger towards him, I don't need him to appologize to me and convince me that everything will be great, I am a big girl, I am staying with him because it works for me now, and as for him hurting me in the past, well it was me who let him hurt me, if I removed myself from that madness he wouldn't have been able to do that.
Nowdays I am perfecty able to care for myself, I don't need anyone to protect me from life, I can do that myself. I am chosing to stay as it is good for me now, but my happiness doesn't depend on my RAH, it depends only on me. Staying with him works for me now. It comes from my strength, not my weakness.
So today we are enjoying nice life together, we laugh often, we talk a lot, we share responsiblities. Kids are happy. It will last for as long as it lasts. If it stops I'll act accordingly.
I guess my point is: for our life to become a success story 2 things needed to happen; he needed to sober up/work on his recovery and I needed to grow up/work on my own recovery.
In all honesty, if I hadn't work on my own recovery I don't think I'd be able to stay with him even now that he is sober. I'd be too resentful, too hurt, too angry, too scared of what is going to happen, etc. Working on my recovery has helped me to let go of the past, all the bad choices, both his and mine, all the madness, all the fears, it helped me leave the past in the past and just enjoy the present moment in life.
And for that I am extremely grateful, as now I am finally happy, regardless of anyone else.
Life is good, as long as we learn to appreciate all of its gray areas.
All that being sad, I wouldn't advise anyone to stay in relationship with active A, especially where there is a abuse involved.
Take care of yourself
I wish you well