he is chosing not to take responsibility for his life, I don't think that is your fault, in any way. If my mother asked me to leave I would go, quickly, quietly and trying to make amends for any behaviour that had precipitated that. You have given and put up with more than most parents would. He isn't grateful for your help, he wants far more. I don't think your son is bad, but he is playing on your feelings of guilt, probably unconciously.
You know , if he could put as much effort into taking care of his self, as he does trying to get his way here, he could go far.
You mentioned having alcoholic parents? Most of us vow never to repeat our parents mistakes, when we have children, I wonder if the guilt, the feeling that you are abandoning someone who has no-one else (because no-one else will put up with him) has anything to do with not wanting to repeat their parenting actions toward you. May be entirely off base.
Yes, I always told myself that I would always let my children speak their minds, instead of getting slapped in the face if they dared to give an opinion, or speak back. I did try on occasion as a child, to talk back, even knowing that I was gonna get a slap. Indomitable spirit?
I like to think. I always showed them love, and made sure that they felt valued, and with him being the first child, i probably doted on him, and made him feel as if he is the "little prince". he never was a nasty child, just self centered, and stubborn. very stubborn. his dad has a crazy stubborn dysfunctional personality, even telling his kids that he smokes cause something is gonna kill him-if its his time, its his time, etc. he always found a way to do what he wanted , even if it dissappointed the kids, after the divorce. never had time for them. and truthfully, we both always did more for son, feeling that he needed the help. I truly dont know why we did that, unless it is cause son just always had meltdown over any red-tape , or any boring responsiblility. He seemed to need a "jumpstart" in life, but , that never did work!!!
I
'm glad you are here, I'm sorry if anything I wrote came accross as critisising you. that was not my intention. (())
No, not at all. I have found your insight very helpful . two heads are better than one, and you have a good head on your shoulders, and I do so appreciate your help!
I did not wish to make anyone feel badly by my post. just wanted to add a few t hings to make it more clear about what is going on here.
yes- to the question of whether my parents affect how i treat my children. a big yes.
hugs,
chicory
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