When my son is around, it feels as though he is TRYING to create chaos--that is his mission when he's around me. There is no comfortable coexistence there......I am always on guard. I am always deflecting questions for money or food or he's telling me about what his current DOC or the last drug was that he used. He says that he's so glad he can tell me all about his "drug community" (because I'm sitting there calmly not reacting to the crap he is spewing out of his mouth) but INSIDE it's turning me inside out and churning me up. I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT HIS DRUG COMMUNITY! He verbally rails at me for the slightest thing I say that he takes offense to and turns it into an all out attack on my life, belief systems, family, husband, daughter, work, lifestyle, whatever. He whines about his life and what a total mess it is but he doesn't want suggestions on how to make it better--he just wants to purge his mind of all that crap that's wreaking havoc in his life. He doesn't want to do the WORK that it takes to make his life better....he just wants ME to do it for him. And because I won't and don't....it's a full out verbal assault to try to get me to acquiesce. If begging, pleading, and guilting don't work.....he PULLS OUT verbal FORCE. I don't experience any comfort or enjoymentbeing around him.....at all. And believe me.....I've tried.....but it's not a relationship when you're AFRAID to open your mouth EVEN TO AGREE WITH HIM for fear that it will result in another verbal assault. I'm just trying to preserve some part of ME that he won't suck away. He's like a parasite that is draining me of ......well......ME. There is no give and take........that is how I feel when he's around. And that feeling goes away when he goes away.



Now.....if that's not "unmanageable" I don't know what is.