Welcome, Jen.
Have you read any of the stickies posted at the top of the F&F of Alcoholics page? There is a lot of great information there that will help you to understand this nasty disease and how to deal with your situation.
You
can find yourself again, just like so many of the amazing people here have done (and are doing). I'm glad you found us and I hope you stick around!
My XABF has a professional white-collar career but bartends part time because he "needs the money." Translation: "The bar is my playground for my addictions, and it provides a nice cash flow to support them." I am so glad to not be in a relationship anymore where the bartending and addictions were more important than me.
I also have a 48-year old, recovering alcoholic, bartender cousin who's on a waiting list for a liver transplant. His liver is shot from abusing alcohol for the last 30+ years. He has two young daughters and it's heartbreaking to watch.
I know it's hard but please, please do not take your ABF's drunken rants personally. It's part of what they do, but it's not about you.
It's good to see that you are ready for change. When it comes right down to it, you can and will be able to find a way out of that apartment if you're ready. People here will be around 24/7 to support you and offer great ideas/advice/exerience/strength and hope!
Hugs and peace to you, Jen.