Chicory it is so hard when they know the buttons to push to shove you right over the edge. I have been working on that for awhile and even when I think I have it-bingo, new button.
My oldest son does this when he wants to create chaos. One of the things that used to drive me over the edge was something I called the Golum. After he had been in a rage and I would open the door he would grovel around my feet, holding my ankles begging me not to hit him. I don't hit him and it drove me nuts when he did this. It took a lot of teeth clenching to look at him and say, hmm, I guess you are not ready to talk to me yet and walk away.
I think I need to get "the book" too. Although I don't feel abandoned by stbxah exactly what I feel was abandoned was my dream for a real life.