It is just so hard for me to do nothing. I keep thinking that something that I say or something that I call to her attention will turn her around again
Right? It is the big hurdle we all have to get over! Because our As are usually of normal intelligence -- so, why can't they just see? Maybe they just need to read this or that article that I just read!!?? Maybe this or that example will get them to see?!
Part of what helped me get over it was realizing what a serious, serious, serious and twisted disease addiction is. Anyone who has recovered and come back from the other side of that vicious compulsion will tell you - nothing anybody said or did made a difference until the lightbulb went off in their own head.
And I discovered that by holding on to any shred of belief that anything I said or did could be the thing that would turn that lightbulb on, I was making myself crazy and becoming a person i did not want to be. AND, worst of all, I was playing into their dynamic and me bringing up their drinking and offering my suggestions was a good way to keep them from having to look in a mirror. I was making their problem out to be something between them and me instead of them and themselves.
I had to learn to make my decisions about my loved ones based solely on behavior. If someone is unreliable, mean, abusive, dangerous - that's all I need to know - doesn't matter one iota if it is because of alcohol or drugs! behavior shows me all I need to know.
Peace-
B