You might as well be realistic about where you are in the NC spectrum, Katie. From what I can tell since I started reading at this site, we each have similar stories, but the particulars of our situations and of our personalities are, obviously, different. Most people, probably, want closure that satisfies their conscience and compassion. How long one remains hostage to that hope -- or irresistibly tempted to read text messages -- looking for evidence of change we can believe in -- just varies. I hope your instinct for self-preservation kicks in sooner rather than later. It can be a long, painful road.
Isn't it a horrible feeling to know you're being used by someone you love? I'm sorry it's happened to you. Hugs from another Katie.