I want help out of it.
What kind of help do you need to get out of it? Seriously. Thinking in terms of the specific actions necessary to make a change, instead of focusing on the emotional aspect of a situation helps us get clarity and move forward.
Do you have a list of what you need to do?
PS. I'm not judging you. I just feel bad that your baby has no choice but to be hurt emotionally by the situation. Obviously you are not doing it on purpose to her. It's clear to me that you need help as much as she does. I'm glad you are reaching out. And I hope that you figure out how to make the changes you so desperately want so you can have the life you deserve. And your daughter too.
For me, I had to make safety and sanity my Number One priority. My Number Two priority was my son's relationship with his father.
It still is. But I will not allow anyone who uses drugs and is abusive to me to be around my son. Even if it's his father.
It's easy to make a child. But it's a HUGE RESPONSIBILITY to be a good father.