Chicory, Don't beat yourself up; he is your son; it must be hard to detach. I'm still working my way up to letting my son play with childern his own age. Your son is middle aged and still living with you and cumsuming you to the point of bringing him tea after your long day at work. I don't know, but from an outsider looking in I think you should give him the tea, take him by the hand, kiss him on the cheek, tell him you'll always love him and show him to the front door. I know, easy to say, but I think you might be holding him back from his well, LIFE.
This must be so hard, I wish I could hug you. I kept my word I included YOU and your son in my prayers at night and now in the morning too. This evening I'm going to confession (for the first time in 20 years) and then mass. I will pray again there too. I will light a candle for YOU. Let the fire burn to bring you peace of mind, to forgive yourself, to know your only human and doing the best job you can do.
Lots of love.....wow