I have said such horrid things, felt such rage with my XAH that I am truly ashamed that I allowed anger to take hold of me like that. He was an expert at pushing buttons, winding me up, ignoring or twisting things that I said and I too would blow like Vesuvious. All I can do is forgive myself and try to do better. I now think that XAH would play situations to make me blow up so that he could convince himself that my behaviour was worse than his.