All I can say is that, he is an adult. He can choose to live his life any way that he wants to. He can think what he wants and have his own feelings.
Because he is your son it doesn't mean that you own him. You are trying to control him, it will not work, he is 38 year old man. In two years he will be considered middle aged!
As for the anger, it does happen. He is good at pushing your buttons.
Let it go, focus on you.
It's time for him to go out on his own, let him go.