Hi Jen8 and welcome to SR, glad you found us and no - you are not alone.
Of course you take what he says personally and it doesnt feel good does it. I used to tell myself that it was the drink talking in the real early days of our marriage, and that took some of the pain away, then it happened for so many years I started to believe it.
There was one time, not so long ago, that I spoke to my husband about his drinking, I said it in such a nice way, that his drinking upset me, as it made me feel frightened of him as his personality changed and would he please at least try to cut down. This quiet conversation became a viscious attack on my person, him saying basically that I was lazy and boring. This attack went on for quite a while until I was distraught and distressed and told him that the punishment didnt fit the crime (or words to that effect). This is what alcoholics do, to take the focus of themselves. My AH of 22 years has recently taken up internet porn and he doesnt even know that I know, as I dont want to have a conversation with him about it because I know that I will get the blame and it will be all my fault that he is doing that. Its not my fault in no way shape or form and a waste of time me challenging him on his behaviour. It really is no life to live and I am currently looking for my own haven of peace to rent and planning a new life for myself.
I appreciate how difficult it is for you not having a job but if you devote some of your 'angst' energy into looking for a way out, try thinking outside the box, an answer will come.
Since I started Al-anon about a year ago now, I have learnt to say to my AH that i wont talk to him when he has been drinking at it seems to work for me. He usually just walks away in a huff. I think you just have to be persistant and not answer back if he continues to talk and repeat, 'I will not discuss anything with you whilst you have been drinking'.
Stay safe and know this is not you and you deserve so much better.