Originally Posted by
steve1840 
did i already lose her respect by trying for the past two months and enabling by letting her use? did i losse her respect by not putting my foot down already about her being back out there "working?" i cannot share her with the drugs or johns. she tells me nice things, but i cannot get past this. it is not that i am judging her, its just that i cannot stand by her side as she does this. thoughts please
Steve
You can't lose what you never had. Addicts don't respect themselves.......or they wouldn't use or prostitute themselves. She can't have something for you that she doesn't even have for herself.
You have laid down your own very distinct boundary. "I cannot share her with the drugs or the johns."
You're doing fine. Really you are.......you're trying to understand all of this and that's a beginning.....a very good beginning. The lessons that our addicts teach us are invaluable life tools. In a very strange (and somewhat warped way), they are helping us all. We are growing in ways that we never could have imagined. We are exploring ourselves and becoming better people (even though it doesn't always feel that way).
I'm going to be thankful today for the lessons I am learning because I love an addict.
gentle hugs to you