Would like to share my story
I first found these forums last year when my AH of 12 years was deep in the depths of disease. He's military, and almost lost his job and pension when he blacked out on the job and used a government credit card to fill his gas tank. Thankfully his commander offered to give him a second chance if he would go to inpatient treatment at the VA hospital. My husband was deeply humiliated by the experience and by the threat of losing his military career, and finally became serious about seeking recovery. What followed was the 9 happiest months of my marriage, when I was finally able to see the man I was so in love with reemerge from the despair of active alcoholism.
Eventually AH had to go away for a month for military training, and the man that returned home wasn't the kind, thoughtful, loving man that had left, but the selfish, impulsive, deceitful man that he had been while actively drinking. Of course he lied and denied and claimed that he hadn't relapsed, but my gut told me otherwise, even though I desperately wanted to believe him.
For the past few months, more and more often I'm recognizing the alcoholic behavior returning. I recently discovered that he's been lying about going to meetings, and that he's been borrowing money from his dad that I had no idea about. It all came to a head Sunday night, when I tried to talk to him about my concerns. He accused me of cornering him, and left the house. He's been staying at a friends for a week now, and cleared out the checking account, leaving me with 74 cents in the bank. The bank records say he's spent over $1200 in less than a week, mostly at bars and liquor stores.
So here I am, back again, and praying for the resolve to do what I need to do to break this cycle. As I'm sure many of you know, it's financially hard to leave, as well as emotionally. He's never physically abused me, and when he's sober he's a great dad and the kindest, most loving husband I could ever ask for. Of course, the moments of sobriety are coming further and further apart, and I'm now left to deal with the soulless monster that has taken over my beloved husband's body. I once told him I wish he would hit me so it would make it easier to leave. How's that for sick thinking? Anyway, just wanted to share, and thank you for having me.