I guess I must have been an A-typical addict because I just didn't care and I used more so I would care even less.
The only pain I felt was for myself and others in my drug-world when we were out of dope or living some self-inflicted drama that came about because of dope.
I used and manipulated others as I saw necessary to feed my habit.
My family was inconsequential for the most part. I loved them. But I didn't really care if I hurt them... I was too busy getting high and being selfish. I remember thinking "I will deal with it later. Right now I am just going to get high."
Awww...sure.... I might have lied a little bit and said I felt bad and acted like I was "in pain" but that's kind of what they expected. I was telling them what they wanted to hear. It kept them off my back because they felt sorry for me.
Really. My life was all about my addiction.
The more I think about it. The less I think that is an a-typical addiction thought pattern.
I'm glad my family got out of my way, stopped trying to feel my pain and didn't interfere in my bottom or my recovery. They had high expectations for me. I'd probably still be a crack addict if they hadn't.