I do understand that gneiss. And yes as Murray stated as far as alcoholics go, I consider myself one of the group. But sometimes the "powerless" thing throws me for a loop. At one point I would like to think that I am not powerless against taking the first drink, which I know for almost certain is a fact, but then I read that even some people who have 5-10 years of sobriety then relapse, then say that they were powerless to begin with, and then do the steps, and then say without admitting your powerless you will always come back to alcohol.
I don't think I am setting my self up for failure, but if you read enough long timer posts it would be easy to think that I am. At the same time I would like to think that maybe I just don't want to drink more than some others may admit. I would like to think I have a stronger resolve than most, but at the same time I have a hard time believing that would be the case. Like I said it sort of has me stumped. Is it easy for me to quit because I finally decided that I really wanted to, or is it easy for me to quit because I'm not really a true alcoholic, or is it easy for me to quit because I really haven't quit because I haven't given in and admitted I'm powerless?
Does any of that make sense? I mean I guess it isn't that bad of a dilemma to face at this point, I had a major problem, I fixed it, I feel great, it's something I battled all of my life, but is the battle really over? I say yes...but if you read enough here you might guess otherwise.