Old 09-14-2010, 02:43 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
LucyA
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
When my sister in law tried to tell us how bad my brothers drinking had become we (as a family) went into total complete denial.
We had no idea how bad things were and at the time none of us were prepared to take her too seriously. I'm ashamed to say that now in a way, and I say in a way because I understand more about denial and alcoholism now than I did back then.
We all knew my sister in law hit the wine every day after she'd picked my nephew up from school, and we knew my brother called in the pub for 'one' most nights.
We all thought she was a bigger drinker than him. (At the time we were right as it turns out)
Anyway, she got ill with cancer and had to let outsiders into the most personal areas of her life, the ones that had been kept secret up till then, and I suppose she'd really had enough too, she was getting no support from my brother, had a son to look after and basically knew she was dying.
So she told us how it was.
At the time I didn't hear it, because I didn't want to.
My parents still blame her for my brothers alcoholism. He never drank at home until he lived with her.
That's because he lived with them until he moved in with her, and he was in the pub every night until he did.
I knew before she died that my sister in law was right, and what she said was the truth, it doesn't really matter now that she drank too. She tried her best to let us know that my brother was sick too, and we didn't listen.
I don't know that we could have done any more if we had listened back then. It doesn't make a difference at all.
I wish I could go back and thank her for at least trying to tell us.
What I will say is I do think she went about it the wrong way as far as my parents are concerned, because everything she said came across to them as an accusation against my brother.
But until she tried to tell us, none of us ever thought there was anything amiss, because they'd both kept their secret so well.

It's a different scenario from yours Jackthedog, but it's from the point of view of a sister of an alcoholic.
I know now some of the things my sister in law, and their son, went through because they lived with my brothers addiction. I understand why she did some of the things she did, like not socialising with our family.
If she was still around I would tell her I understood some of it, and thank her for trying to tell me, and also I would apologise for not listening at the time and hope she understood too.
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