Hi jaguar...I want to respond to your inquiry regarding No Contact. In my experience, it is often necessary to choose this because we (the other party, the codies, or whatever you want to call us), aren't able to "let go" of the addict and let them find their bottom. Instead, we worry for them, call them, take their calls, email/text, coddle them, enable them, get into fights with them, etc etc...
Our entire focus is THE ADDICT, what they say and do, and it can be totally overwhelming. I know it made me rather dysfunctional.
IMO, No Contact helps us accept the 3 C's...
You didn't CAUSE it
You can't CURE it
You can't CONTROL it
Also, for the truly codependent, those who are addicted to their partner or to the drama, as their partner is to alcohol, No Contact is that first step in breaking the addiction.
And once you've taken some time to yourself, to step away from the madness of your partner's addiction, you can start to see patterns of behaviour, both in yourself and in your partner. You can also start to examine the "hows" and "whys" of those patterns in yourself and perhaps begin to take steps to remedy them. It's very difficult to see these "from the inside".
In my case, No Contact wasn't an option in the beginning because XAH and I shared a young child, so contact was necessary in order to organize visitation. Due to recent developments, he is no longer part of my life so I am now experiencing No Contact. IMO, that necessary contact was much more painful that No Contact...I always have to guard myself against XAH and what he would say, and any contact we had always left me in tiny pieces.