Thank you so much summerpeach. That really helps. Just being part of this forum is helping me already.
Yes, I have to take care of myself and see to my welfare. Too long now I've been jumping through hoops for him because he's unhappy with ME. But there is no pleasing him. I told him the other day that I no longer could believe this was about us, he and I. It's not about our relationship. It's about his relationship with alcohol and addiction. I wanted to be fair minded. I know I'm not perfect and have my own issues. I've always been willing to work on those. I felt bad just pointing at him and saying "this is your fault". But damn it all if it isn't his fault!
I don't see any way that I or anyone else for that matter could have a healthy relationship with him while he is still an active full blown alcoholic hellbent on self destruction.